I may be in need of some feedback

So, I'm a closeted guy in his early 20s who lives in a sort of conservative country and has depression. The last one I don't think it is directly caused by my sexuality but that's not why I'm here actually. I don't have many friends, well none if we use a strict definition of the term, or other kinds of relationship. That's because my set of interests hardly intersects with other's and because, I acknowledge, being friend with a depressed guy is far from easy. I'm here because I recently noticed a pattern in my last slightly relevant interactions and I wanted some feedback on it.Basically I sight a guy who my gut tells me would be good to build something with. That's usually because I sense he's likeminded and shares some of my interests. Not a sexual thing, even if I may be a little attracted I'm not really a sex driven guy atm. My gut's not wrong, a couple of weeks after I make contact we became close and spend a lot of time together, I'm not that bad after all. He's straight, openly homophobic, I just omit I'm gay without lying on anything.Thing is, as I dip into his life and get to know a lot of details I start to feel that mix of envy-jealousy-hopelessness I'm sure all of you felt at least once, and that starts to poison the relationship (I'm a pro, I just play along). But on the other side, in the meantime, the guy also learns a lot about me and gets I could be one of those daemons called homosexuals. The guy just slowly retreat or run away, if he didn't get to know me he would just punch me in the face. I spend a few months without significant interactions and the cycle restarts.I'm on the second half of one of these right now, and talking with number 4 many hours/day continuously triggers me into my lowest moods in the end of the day. It's pretty much toxic, I believe a bad friendship is better that no friendship at all, but it would be very nice if I could break free the cycle. You know, like having a whole group of friends, a sincere family, a girlfriend emotional and/or sexual partner.. A purpose actually.