What was it like coming out?

I submitted this to Out Magazine as part of their #FirstTime series, figured I'd share here as well. :)What was it like coming out?By MJU1983Scary. Well, that’s what I thought anyway. In reality coming out is one of the best things I’ve ever done for myself. Though, it’s not easy to convince yourself to do it. It reminded me of cliff jumping, standing on the edge looking down at certain death. You don’t realize it’s not until you actually do it. I had lived the first 32 years of my life not being my true self. I was happy, but not fully. I was a people person, but not fully. I loved life, but not fully. I wasn’t being myself; therefore I would never be truly happy. Before coming out I tried to imagine what my life would be like being alone for the rest of it. It was a terrible, sad feeling. It was something that I didn’t think I could do, nor wanted to do. That’s when I decided to do something about it.Last year after my 32nd birthday I began searching for Mr. Right. I needed to do this for myself. I deserved to be happy. I don’t believe we are meant to go through life alone. To quote Christopher McCandless, “Happiness is only real when shared.” I had a hard time finding guys with similar interests as myself. I wanted a partner, a best friend, a lover, someone I could have a future with. Reading online I saw a lot of people who claim such things do not exist or were unrealistic. I think like anything else, people tend to want to share their negative experiences more often than positive. This can really beat you down, if you listen to people who are not you. I didn’t come out until I met someone who I felt I could have a future with. This was about 7 months after my search began.I knew who I wanted to come out to and prioritized that list based on who I thought would be most supportive. My sister Andrea made the top of my list. She is a wonderful human being and very understanding, having worked for Coordinated Youth & Human Services and its Madison County Aids Program. She is also a “safe zone ally” for all LGBT faculty, staff, and students at local university. She was very supportive and offered great advice on coming out to others. She explained that some people whom I consider friends now might not continue to be my friends going forward so prepare for that. I liked her real-world advice but it did scare me because the next few people on my list were lifelong friends.Robb and Renee, my two best friends, couldn’t have taken my news any better. I still remember what they told me: “Right on man! Happy to hear you’ve found someone worthy! We support you 100%”. I cried. It was such a weight off of my shoulders knowing that my sister and two best friends fully supported me. The fourth person I told was my friend Bob as I knew he would be supportive, and he was, letting me know “it sounds like you are finally feeling great about yourself and that is wonderful news.” The fifth person I told was my friend Alex. He once told me a story of a friend of his who came out and how he was very happy for him as he was finally able to be himself. Alex told me: “Congrats, so proud of you! Glad you're finding happiness! I'm so happy for you. You know I'm always here for you brother.”So far so good! I had found the love of my life. All of my friends are super supportive of me and my new relationship. The next person on my list was my mom. This was very hard for me because I thought she would be just as supportive as everyone else but I still had a slight fear, wondering, what if she wasn’t? I grew up without a father, he died when I was one, and my mom raised my sister and me by herself. My mom is the most important person in the world to me so it would have been very hard on me if she weren’t supportive. I even thought maybe she wouldn’t want to see me again. It’s silly now, looking back, but those thoughts were in my head and they were scary. My sister gave me the courage and motivation to come out to my mom. I remember I was out of town working and I literally had my phone in my hand about to hit my moms name on my contacts list when my phone rings, it’s her. We talked for about 40 minutes and I almost chickened out. We were about to wrap up the call when she remembered, “you said you needed to tell me some news, and here I just rambled the whole time.” I let her know that I enjoyed talking with her and listening to her. It took all the courage I had to tell her. I kept it short and simple, I remember the conversation vividly. I reminded her of how happy I had been, she agreed and said she noticed I was in the best mood I’ve ever been in. I let her know that I had met someone and that I am gay. She took it better than I could have ever imagined, it could have been a PFLAG “what to say to your child” brochure. It was totally genuine and from the heart. She let me know that she loves me no matter what and that she just wants me to be happy. She felt bad that I couldn’t be myself sooner and is very glad I am now.In the months since, everyone is still supportive and I am still dating the love of my life! Listen to your heart. Be strong. You only get one shot at life. Be happy.