I envy those who can accept being gay

28 year old male here. Long story short I never dated anyone, because I don't find women attractive, and I hate myself for being attracted to men.That's nothing unusual I guess, but it starts to take a toll on my mental health. I hoped I can figure all of this out by now, sort it out somehow, but no, the self-hatred runs deep for some screwed up reason. I'm thinking about finding a psychologist, but I'm not sure I can find one I can trust.It would be all right if I could be just content without a love life and such, but life is short and I want to experience certain things before I die. I'm not happy like this. I have a great life otherwise, or at least one with much opportunities. But of course something is missing, and nothing can make up for all those cold, lonely nights.Over time I think I will become a cold, heartless person. I'm strong enough, my survival instinct is strong enough so I'm able to take this torture, but that doesn't make me a great, a brave or a smart person, just one who is hard to kill.It's my own goddamn fault that I'm lonely (very lonely), I know that, and I hope I can do something about it. It's a mental barrier of some sort I couldn't yet penetrate (pun not intended), but I'm working on it. I see that I'm not the only one in this situation, but it's hard for me to even talk about it online, so go figure.