Can't be bothered with feelings

I'd have to go over my whole past but this is what I've experienced. I met a friend who came out around the same time as me and she took a girlfriend of six months and after that decided she wanted to go back to boys. I really felt for her girlfriend and soon after my sister tried to out me to my Dad. I was nineteen at the time, ofcourse being young and really not sure myself: I denied it.Flash forward a couple of years: after having one or two too many bad dates with girls, I tried to go back to boys. The problem is, I can never find any boy, I wanted to be serious with or take as a boyfriend. I like looking at men but I don't see them as my boyfriend or a screw.The issue with that was, I really want a family and taking a girlfriend is going to be shit. I know there is an adoption choice but its not the same really.Right now, I want to get back in to dating girls and be done with it. For ages, I didn't want to go out with girls just incase I changed my mind and hurt somebody but I'm hurting myself if I don't at least try to see what's out there.