Confused about myself

Im new to this and im not sure what to say but its been in my head for so long and i have no one to talk to.So.... First of all my name is Rudy and im 25 years old. I have a girlfriend who i love to death and 3 amazing kids. And it seems everything is just fine... But before my met my gf of 8 years who i plan to marry in the future, i used to have a bi curious side of me, and what i mean by that is for a while i actually love giving head. Now i never wanted to get sucked but i always have a full desire of having a guy F**k my throat. I would get so turned on.Well even with my gf i never lost those desires and its driving me crazy to have a guy f**k my throat again. But i never had a real desire or ever wanting to be with a guy other than sexually 'i have done other things with gays other than giving head' and its confusing because idk what it means.Its like i want my family life but i also want cock, and i just dont know what to do.