Being gay in an anti-LGBT country

Hey all, I'm from malaysia. Its a pretty nice place, peaceful, economically stable and has good food. Im thankful for being born here instead of in other more hostile countries like Russia, North Korea and Saudi, where LGBT rights are virtually nonexistent. Gay people can do pretty much what they want here behind closed doors as long as they're not obvious about it, like public displays of affection or outright marriage. It easier for non-Muslims because theyre not bound to the Syariah court, but overall the country is pretty secular. My family are homophobic Muslims but otherwise theyre fine since im in the closet. I know of at least one other cousin who has come out to me and vice versa. He's very successful and travels a lot so he can probably get married one day if he wants, but at the risk of being disowned and moving out of the country for good. The penalty for sodomy (which is just a gross word for describing anal sex) is pretty severe, imprisonment and a fine. Its hard being in a relationship because all guys want is sex and more often than not, the discreet gays who are not comfortable with their own sexuality, have girlfriends. im a hopeless romantic and i would like to fall in love and get married one day, but im getting older and that doesnt seem to be like a likely prospect for me. i could always save enough money to leave the country but i dont see that happening until im at least in my forties when im all gross and old and no one will want me. this seems like a first world problem, but im just telling my story and we all have one of those :)