The Door to Our Dreams

Is it because she's a girl that I'm hurting, the fact that if you're with her it'll look more 'normal.' You shun the possibility of us or keep us 'lowkey' because of the fear that others won't accept us. You hide a valuable part of yourself because you don't understand 'different.'Is it because she's a girl?Does her long hair and pretty eyes make you secure of your masculinity? Do you feel safe knowing she's everything I'm not? I understand that you're scared because of our culture, our social norms, but this is the 21st century. She is just a girl, and you are just a boy.Or is it because I'm a boy?Are you uncomfortable with the thought that people will talk when we hold hands in public? That we can never be an ordinary couple? So you're telling others that she's beautiful while you whisper in my ear that you love me. What's the point of all this fussing over what can be?She is just a girl...A girl is wonderful, don't get me wrong. But you, my dear, are loving for the wrong reasons. You make my heart ache and my breath choppy, but I am just a boy. Everyone says I have to 'suck it up' and to 'man up,' but guys have feelings too. I feel my heart drop when you accidentally call me her name, when you tell your 'bros' that it's a girl when it's actually me, or when you 'accidentially' get a text from a 'just a girl'. I ask myself where did I go wrong.Why am I not a girl?I don't have luscious hair, nor the twinkling eyes of an angel. My laugh doesn't make all the boys swoon, and my voice isn't as smooth as water.I am a boy, I am human...I have these feelings and I bleed red. My heart aches for you and my head hurts too. But it sucks doesn't it?While she makes you laugh in public, I make you love in secret. We feel pain for each other yet the world is still so prejudice against what could be. You're just a boy and she's just a girl, not even experienced the real world and already hiding from it. I grew up learning that only a boy and a girl should love eachother. Nobody ever said what happens if two boys fall in love, or even two girls. It leaves some of us wondering: is it because she's just a girl, or he's just boy?Or am I different?That can't be quite right though because, like everyone else, I want to love and be loved. I want my family to be proud of who I am. I want to marry the person of my dreams, but he's chasing her. He's chasing a girl, because it'll make his parents proud, because he wants to be accepted in society. He chases her because our love is a 'sin.' Why do we hide who we really are? He said he doesn't really love her, so Lord I beg of you to tell me "Is it because she's a girl?" Imagine losing everything because of what others' think. Because other people are so uncomfortable with it.We shouldn't have to lie to be accepted in love, religion, nor life. I am proud of who I am and what I stand for. I have nights like everyone where I do get lost sometimes. It breaks my heart knowing I lost him because she's a girl, and he's a boy.Why go through life judging your choices off of social norms? Everyone is special and unique in their own ways. Find your boundaries and cross them, don't lose someone special 'because' you're afraid of what others think.I know most of you may not know him and that he's probably happy without me now. I still hold on to the thread of hope that he'll come back, but if he doesn't please ask him to tell me if "it's because she's a girl."It still haunts me at night.