Finally i just want to know what i want!?

So, i'm only 18 and i'm a boy. (My english is bad i know and this post is long, nsfw and cringe, so sorry)I like girls. They are sooo cute, they are BEAUTIFUL, they are pretty, they are nice, etc. But actually it's very rare when i get horny because of the girls. I mean i like to watch them, i want to hug and kiss them but i almost never felt that kind of sexual attraction what i feel with men.Men are hot, if i just think about very little sexual things with a man i'm on the heaven. I mean with girls i only feel that my "thing is ready to attack" but nothing else. But with the thought of a man my heart starts beating faster and harder, my breathing gets heavier, my stomach is burning (in the good way) and my whole body is kinda "shaking". There's no girl who can give this feeling to me, only boys. I mean not concrete boys, because i just can't think about a random guy on the street like "uhhmm he should be my boyfriend", but i do this with girls ALWAYS.In spiritual way i adore girls but i just started realizing i'm totally okay if i just their friends, so i don't have to be a boyfriend to a girl just to enjoy her company, and actually i can even hug girls without the responsibilties of a boyfriend.With men idk... i just can't dare to think any boy in that way so it would maybe work if i find a definite gentleman, because actually that's what i want.I'm a virgin, so i've never been with a girl, but i was once with a man. It was good but a little bit weird (maybe because it was a totally random guy who i met on the internet 30 minutes before and actually i didn't even like him).So the main problem is that i can't see the world in grey. I always have to put things in black or in white. I guess i'm gay or at least bi but the thought of i start dating boys and then i realise i'm actually not gay is scary. Because it feels like i have to make a choice, if i choose boys now i have to be gay until my death because if i want or don't want people will get to know it and it would be fucking pathetic and cringe if they think one day i'm gay then the next day i try to get a girlfriend because i just realized i'm not gay anymore.Sometimes i'm on gay dating sites but it's scary. I always block a bunch of people because they are from my city so i don't want to contact with them. And i always start flirting with someone, then my "thing is want to sleep finally" and i just feel myself pathetic and humiliated, i feel that i made a terrible mistake and i'm going to ruin my life with that. So i delete my profile asap. That's why i registered (and deleted) at least 30 times to the same site on the last year.I don't know what to do. One of my half don't want to be gay but the other one is want to be. And thinking about never have a girlfriend makes me panicked.What should i do?:(The worst thing is that i have social anxiety (and actually i'm an aspie) so basic social things are fucking hard to me.