Confused. Turned on by older men.

Straight guy in my 20s.I have been turned on by older men (40+ and up) since I was 19 yo. It's only a sexual attraction and only when I'm feeling horny. And its only towards older dominate men. Otherwise I'm totally straight. Sometimes I'm only turned on by women. It depends on my current mood of the day.I am also very masochistic in my sexual preference towards older men.I have often felt that this is a self destructive pattern and an secret addiction I don't share openly and/or a negative experience. But at the same time its been so persistence over a lot of years.I don't know if its the kicks/Adrenalin. If its a sexual orientation that I should accept. Since I feel cold and guilty towards my self after I've quit being horny. Plus it takes up a lot of free time and it feels compulsive. But at the same time who can really control the sexual urges?I have managed to stop talking to older men all together for a long time. But i still dream/fantasize about sex with older dominate men. That makes me think this is perhaps not a destructive pattern after all. Or is that the junky part for my brain talking? Or is perhaps that I have difficulty accepting my own sexuality?I can't see clearly here. Does anyone else share these issues or have any insight or tips?Thank you!