Fiance Left Me Unexpectedly, and I'm really struggling (just really need to vent)

Hi all,So I've been with my fiance for almost two years, and we've been living together for almost a year. Everything seemed okay on my end. I was really happy with him, and everything about the relationship was satisfying for me. He didn't give any indications that something was wrong, but I think deep down I did feel a distance growing and I think I messed up because instead of talking about it, I just tried extra hard to connect. Every once in a while I'd ask if everything was ok, and he'd insist everything was fine.Cut to last week, when he just suddenly announces that he's moving out. He says he needs space and room to grow, and says he can't express how he's feeling beyond that. I was devastated and completely taken aback. We went to my therapy appointment together, but that didn't really resolve much. He said he needed time. 7 weeks of time. I felt compelled to agree because I was so distraught, and he wanted to go completely no contact. He left when we got back to the house, and I went to stay with family for while. The feelings were physically painful. I felt like I had no air. Over the next week I cycled between feeling overwhelming sadness, anger, and just numbness. I was despondent, almost catatonic. Couldn't work, eat, or sleep. I ended up going to the ER and almost getting admitted. They put a section 12 on me and took my shoes.My heart was racing, and so was my mind. Why? How? Where? did it go so wrong. And what did I want to do now?Nothing. And everything. I couldn't sit still, but I couldn't move. Couldn't live, but couldn't die.With family around I was able to pull through the worst parts of it, and was actually able to make it through a day of work yesterday, and return to my apartment. Seeing it so empty, it didn't feel like home anymore. The literal and metaphorical rug had been swept out from under my feet, and I broke down again. I managed to pull together, though, and my family helped me rearrange some things so I could make the space more my own.I reached out last week a few times because it was difficult feeling so shut out. He finally was able to give me a response as to what he was feeling, but it was nothing that I ever expected. He said he felt like he couldn't talk to me, that he had been struggling but felt like he needed to take care of me first. I didn't even know he was having a hard time, because he never said anything. He said he felt like he needed to protect me because I've been so anxious lately (I was having problems at my old job), and I made the mistake of leaning on him too much. I really wish he would've said something before letting it fester and boil over.I was also very surprised that he said I lacked initiative and ambition. That felt like a slap in the face, because I put my career goals on hold so that we could live together and get him through school. Our plan was that one of us would be working full time while the other was in school, and he was already in school, so he went first. I may not know exactly what I want to do professionally, but I do have ambition and I know what I want from my life. I'm like the biggest planner there is. And I did have the plan to get my masters degree once he found a full time job. We've only ever discussed my professional goals occasionally, and he never seemed to be concerned. He said he thought there were things I could be doing in the meantime to get started, but I don't know what he expected when I was working full time to support us, and knew I had a few years before graduate school was even an option. Plus, he changed his major and career goals and I was supportive. I would be supportive if he changed them 100 times, because I love him, and it really hurt that he threw that in my face.I just feel so... lost. Like I've gotten dropped into the middle of a very strange an unforgiving reality that doesn't make sense. He says he knows we can work it out, but isn't sure if he wants to, and I don't understand what that means. How can he not know if he loves me enough to try? Why does he need 7 weeks to figure that out? What if I struggle through it, hoping for reconciliation and just get hurt again? Is it worth it? Moving on seems... intimidating, almost impossible. But the waiting is killing me. It's not good for my mental or physical health, and I know that, but I want to give things a chance to work. Part of me wants to believe that he's just in a bad place right now, and part of me isn't sure. I just don't get how someone can change so quickly.I know the best thing I can do for this relationship is prove to him that I'm able to give him space, but I'm not sure if I actually am able to do that. If he thinks communication was our biggest problem, then why does he seem unwilling to talk to me? Why does he need to think for a week then send a really long and hurtful email? Why can't we just have a discussion? That seems like something two people who are in a committed relationship should be able to do.He says another issue was my anxiety about him not really being committed. He says he felt like he had to constantly prove that he loved me, and I regret making him feel that way. My anxiety problems and self-esteem issues were being worked on, though, and I thought they were definitely improving. And this wouldn't have come as such a shock if I didn't trust him so totally and completely. Part of me wonders, though, if some of that anxiety about him leaving was justified. I know he shuts down when he gets overwhelmed and has the tendency to avoid things that are stressful or uncomfortable. To that end, I tried really hard to make our relationship stress free for him, because I was afraid he would run away if things got to difficult. I guess I really did not succeed.I want to be the best me I can be, and in my clearheaded moments, everything seems like it'll eventually be ok, however this ends up working out. But the sadness, hurt, and anger still comes in waves, and with it a lot of anxiety and panic. My doctor gave me Valium to sleep, and I'm so high strung that it barely knocks me out for 3 hours. And ativan hasn't been really able to touch me.I just feel stuck in a bad spot right now. I want to reach out, but I don't want to push him further away. I'm angry and hurt but also sad and I miss him. I want to keep my job and my apartment, but I'm having trouble functioning. I want to get better, to heal, but I don't know the best way to do that. I want to be strong and fight, but I also want to lay on the floor and give up. I want to scream, I want to cry. I want to be everywhere and nowhere. I want to hope, but I don't want to get pushed down again. He wants me to trust him, but he runs away. He wants us to communicate better, but doesn't want to talk to me. I don't know if I'm strong enough to get through all of those moments of sadness and desperation where it's just so tempting to reach out. I don't know if I can hold that back. Where's the line? How much is too much to ask for? How much is too much to give? Can I do this? Do I want to put myself through that? I'm not sure what's better for me, and I know it's my decision, but I'm terrified of making the wrong one.