I don't know what to believe

I'm a 16 gay male.Also I'm a christian. That's hard for me since having a boyfriend and gay sex is considered a sin.I've lived my life with the belief that it's wrong and that I can only be a good christian when I will never have a romantic and sexual relationship with a man. But sometimes I just think that it's all just a lie but whenever I go through a bad time I pray to god to help me and that I was wrong.In siturations like this it seems like the only one who can help me is god and if I'm not a good christian bad things will happen to me and god won't help me.I know this sounds stupid to you. I always think maybe it's all true. And then I think it's not and I should be me. It's all very confusing I don't know what to think and believe.