I am gay and don't want to be... seriously though I really don't

I am gay for sure and went through many years first accepting the fact and then trying to enjoy being gay but I dont want the gay life. I really tried hard to be happy but what i truley want is a wife and naturally conceived kids out of marriage. Its what I really want and for years gay people told me I can have a family with a man but as I have been with men I don't like the idea.ITS NOT society influenced. Its what I want. I can't find any gay person who supports that i truly TRULY want to change for internal reasons.I need to find someone like me or my depression will get out of hand again.