I'm closeted and this is the first place I'm coming out to. Ever.

Hello, I'm a 16 y/o male and I've basically made this account to post here because I really need to get this off of my chest since I've almost come to terms with my sexuality even though I hate it and my mind and body is resisting. I live in a pretty small town of around 15000 people in a post soviet country (Lithuania). People in my country are very homophobic and very rarely is there support, especially in the media, even tho to other countries we portray ourselves as very tolerant just to bring our reputation up and stuff. I find my sexuality to be the main reason of my anxiety and depression that have been killing me for the past few years and I haven't come out to a single person yet and this makes it easier since it's anonymous. Basically all my friends are female and all of them think I'm straight. My best friend is supportive of gay culture but still kind of iffy about it and everyone's views are very conservative since almost everyone is christian. I've been struggling with this and it's been hard, I feel like i hate myself and the fact that I am who I am makes me physically sick. I only know one gay person but i have never ever approached him and he's about to graduate and he's getting kicked out of his house since he came out, so yeah, things are pretty bad here. My family things gays are some kind of cult that steals people and my brother said that if i was a "faggot" he would punch me in the face. Sorry my thoughts aren't all over the place as I had a lot to say. So that's about it, I just really needed to get this off my chest and to talk to some people that love no matter what.