Maybe a love story

So...not to give to much back story, but i guess ill start with, I like guys...I always have, anyone that says people aren't born this way is fucking dumb... I can remember from a very young age being attracted to the same gender... I'm not going to say i came out, but i did bring the topic and the happenings of my personal life to my parents attention and it didn't go well... So i played straight, moved away from home and made my own way... I'm still not out but that's neither hear nor there at this point. Some where along the journey years ago I met a guy that i instantly felt something for... And i don't mean oh id like to hook up with him one day but like legit felt something...Sooooo i felt like i had a few options, i could A. just ignore the feelings and walk away, B. Be friends with him and try to turn him but as most of you know thats a waste of time. C. Be friends with him and just see what happens... Clearly i didnt choose A or else we wouldnt be here...I chose C. We became good friends and over the years stayed in touch and moved close to one another in the same state. Some years ago i came out to him which he was cool with and surprised about...And equally as surprised when i told him i was into him...But he told me the typical straight thing i don't swing that way but im flattered blah blah blah... So i left it alone...for a bit..lol. One night i was drinking and sent him a txt and hit him up for some pics and he gave in. Which at that point was an indication that maybe something else was there...And because im sure some of you are wondering the pictures confirmed my other suspicions, he was big lmao...anyway. SO the pictures led to other conversations which eventually led to him saying im not knocking anything until i try it...Which led to oral... which he returned the favor on his own recognizance... This whole time he has said this doesn't mean anything its purely physical, there is nothing emotional behind it purely physical.... Oral lasted for a while maybe two or three times a year...And then i mentioned we go all the way and he was down for it... and that happened for a little bit and i was OK with it... But it was literally just sex no kissing and certainly he wouldn't let me finish inside of him. His thought process was kissing and cumming are emotional acts and this was not that, this was an itch we both needed to scratch... This lasted for a while... and i was ok with what was happening, i mean ok to a point but not really...I really wanted the emotional part.... So i came up with a plan, one day when while he was going down on me i stopped him and he looked up at me and i leaned over and kissed him and he kissed me back...hard to...Later when i mentioned it he said he was caught up in the moment... BS...I left it alone but didnt buy it. One day while we were having sex, we were in missionary and i was awkwardly looking down at him because everything else was off limits. anyway im going and he reaches up and touches the side of my face and says i want you to cum in me and pulls me down and kisses me which damn near made me cum lol.. so Here we are now and have some the best most passionate sex i have ever had... But he still maintains that this is purely physical and nothing will come out of it...Which kind of hurts....Because this story has taken place over a 10 yr period.