Fear of family rejection, psychic mess, and depression

So I'm 23 and in the closet to my family. Graduating and moving out very soon. So my mom and I are Russian (ugh) but live in the US now. We have always had great relationship, but... last January I accidentally read my mom's e-mails to some psychic "therapist" over in Russia, she said our family has a big tragedy, I am gay and depressed because of this illness. She said that in the US homosexuality is not considered an illness and not treated. She said that I am a good, kind and smart person, but she will never cope with me being gay. She was even ready to pay $5000+ for a distant "gay conversion"! Eventually my grandma persuaded her to not do it and went to her local reliable psychic who said I would have a wife and 2 daughters in the future. They have a false hope now.All these e-mails sent me into a depression. I did well in summer, but last week it all hit me again, and I had suicidal thoughts and feel like crap. I am a shy guy who was bullied back in Russia for being gay. I barely had any friends, but my family was my rock. I feel much better in America and thought my mom would love me no matter what, but her saying that she will never cope with this hit me so hard. I feel desperate, alone, and angry. I just want to leave and never talk to her and my family, but I also love her so much.After I move out from Indiana to California I plan to write her a big e-mail coming out and explaining why I've been depressed, but I am so coward. I feel like our relationship will be forever ruined. Please share any advices or thoughts. I just want to talk with somebody about it and not keep it all inside. It is eating me alive.