Some advice

I'm a 31 years old. I'm not sure how to classify myself because I've only ever actually been with women, but I've been sexually attracted to other men for many years. And actually most of the time when I masturbate I'm thinking about sucking dick or taking it in the butt and sometimes stick things up my butt to imagine feeling a cock there. But I've got some problems. Pretty much I don't know anyone who is openly gay, and if I did I'm not sure what I would do to actually snag them. Also I have to keep my desire on the DL because I've already got a girlfriend. So what can I do to find "tops" in my area? What can I do to get the attention of some of them that I like? And how can I do it without letting the other people in my life like my girlfriend find out? I'm white and reasonably masculine. But I've got a slightly "petite" build. I'm attracted to men who are so masculine that I appear effeminate by comparison. Willing to try cross-dressing.