I just wish

When i was a kid i had a terrible childhood. Neighbors, kids would tease me because im gay. Even relatives would make fun of me because im gay. That's why i dont join reunions or gatheringsMy family did not treat me well because im gay. I tried to fight this for the sake and goodness of my family to me. I developed OCD from trying to be perfect so they wont treat me negatively.While pushing to finish my school project in high school i was sexually abused while i was in a bookstore in our neighborhood. I was threatened to not tell anyone what he did to me, he threatened me that he will tell everyone im gay. I was scared so much since thenI transfered schools from elementary up to college because i was bullied of being gay. I decided to quit cause i cant handle it anymore. From hiding my things during grade 3 to making fun and picking me on facebook groups during college.I always wear earphone and listen to music full loud to avoid negative feedback or i might hear something painful. I was in the state of paranoia before where i always see people walking by laughing at me and making fun of me in streetsI was accepted at a job but i immediately quit after 2 days if training as my officemates dont talk to me and i feel left out since i was not able to finish education while they had.I tried dating and had a rekationship but he was abusive and controlling of me.Ever since i was a kid, my pillow is the only one who i hug every night and we used to hide under the desk whenever i feel nervous frightened or scared. My pillow or my imaginary friend who i call edward is the only one i trust in life. May it be raining with storm, raining with tears or raining with scariness, my pillow edward was always there.All people will think im crazy insane or anything may it be i am sorry i just want to express. Up to now i am still struggling with people and my family and havent got outside our home, always in my bedroom most of the time.As i said all will think i am crazy but i just really wish my pillow edward could be a real person. A person who could defend me, wipe my tears, heal my pain and make me learn to trust again.