I have a boyfriend, but I have been coming to a realization that I love women (I am female)

I have been going through life changes: I moved in with my boyfriend of one year. I was convinced I loved him, but then he started talking about children and our lives together and for the life of me I could not imagine a life with him. I have been thinking about my feeling for the past half a year. I tolerate him in bed. I hate the idea of being in bed with him and or any other man. I try and imagine myself with a man, but I just feel disgusting after. And then I started thinking about my life before him. I have only ever had boyfriends, and I started thinking about why I was with them in the first place. Please, if anyone is out there, listen to the rest of my story. I am battling myself internally with this night and day. Like I said before, I have only ever had boyfriends. Ever since I was 16 I thought I like men. I have done things that I regret and I feel disgusted about. And so my recent relationship I have been thinking about my feeling and what I truly want. I am 23, and for as long as I can remember, I have been utterly and impossibly in love with women. I can remember when I was 11, my sister had a friend who lived down the street from us and she was a swimmer. I thought I just always loved hanging out with her because I loved the water. Don't get me wrong, I love swimming, but I loved hanging out with my sisters friend because I loved the way she looked in her one piece. It held the unbearable secrets underneath that one piece that I love so much. I loved her curves, her sharp edged defining her figure. And then there was middle school. I made friends with two girls who were inseparable. I loved watching the way they acted together. I was very observant as a child. They decided to not be friends with me because they say I was weird. I found out later it was because they felt uncomfortable with me in the room because I stared too much. I couldn't stand it, they looked lovely together. And then there was high school. My best friend in high school was a soccer player. I learned to play just so I could work out with her. The way the sweat fell from her body and glistened in the summer sunlight. I knew by that time I had feelings for women. I can remember all the nights we spent together exchanging secrets and laughs. I still think about her today. I can still remember the day she told be she was in love with some guy we met at a party. I think that was when I gave up on everything. I thought she was the most beautiful thing in the world, and then my world was crushed. That was then I started dating men. I'm sorry, but this story is still going on. I know it's long but keep listening. I started dating men when I was 16. I lost hope in my love for my former friend and I suppressed my feelings by drowning myself in relationships with men. I am never satisfied sexually with any of the men I am with and was with. My feelings are dull and I fantasize about women constantly. I am now in college, 23, and I still have fantasies about women. I had a trig tutor and I admit, I fantasized about her ever time we met. She was the only reason I excelled in my math classes up until Differentials. I admit, I still think about her every so often. Currently, when I have sex with my boyfriend of one year, I think about his best friends girlfriend. I think about the way she moves her hair away from her glasses, the way her thighs and ass look in her tights. She wears tights all the time. I melt every time we are alone together, I get nervous and never know what to say but spout off random physics terms. (I'm a physics major, supper nerd I know) My problem is this. I am currently in college, no job because my life is dedicated to my studies, and I live with my boyfriend. I have no home to go back to. I'm stuck. I'm stuck in this situation and I do not know how to get out, or what to do. Please, if any of you read this all the way through, I need advise. Please. I am lost.