Life is rough.

Hello, really just here to rant off some shit.Life is rough, although I've only been here for 18 years it has been far from easy.Growing up in Northern Ireland really has been hard for me, I might have had the most supportive family anyone could ask for but the people make it so unbelievably hard.My school life was hard, getting attacked and bullied for something I had no control over, I took ill which has put me out of action for 4 years and somehow I'm still going on.I'd go into Belfast thinking of a nice day out that I might have but I can only think of bad times, a gay tourist couple getting spat on for holding hands, people throwing bottles into the crowd at "Belfast pride" the riots and the government being so backwards and fucked up.Yet here I am. Pushing on. Trying not to let this hold me down.It is hard, I don't want to pretend any more I want to be the open happy kind person I know I can be but I can't. So I wait.I wait for the day I can move away from here the day I can say "I'm gay" and not worry about getting a rock thrown at me or a fist.These people have made me the fucked up mess I am today. Insomnia, depression, anxiety and paranoia. It's hard to trust people because they most likely want to hurt you.With all this I have to wonder is it worth it? Will this pain end? Is there anywhere I can be accepted?It's scary. I'm afraid.And yet I push on.It's taken me 6 years to come to terms that I'm gay. How I wish I wasn't.I'm young, stupid and bound to make so many mistakes but I want to improve I want to be a better person I want to learn from my mistakes.College starts in September and I look at it with anticipation and dread, I've learned what not to do from school, people say that they will be accepting and open, I don't believe them.Either way this chapter of my shitty life is coming to an end, will the next one be good? I have no idea.All I know is that I will push on. I have to...That leaves me to ask you, is it worth it? Will there be anywhere that I don't have to pretend? Can I be who I am?