I'm homophobic

Hi,I'm gay, and I'm homophobic. In the past, I've been 'attracted to' both girls and guys. Later on, when I discovered porn, it became kind of a habit to masturbate to gay porn, and my attention shifted to guys more.Anyway, I've had one crush, where I felt love and affection for a guy, at that point in time I was in love and we'd do a bunch of things together. It didn't work out, after an incident in which he tried a move on me and when I responded, he acted like he wanted to discard it. Eventually confronted him with my love for him but he rejected me.I've been familiar with gay subculture when I was 13 or so, I joined something similar to reddit. I got a bunch of internet friends from there, and most of the guys were normal, there was one 'diva' but I thought he was kind of cool, I secretly wanted to be like that.Anyway, fast forward to now, I've had a friend with benefits because I wasn't really ready for love anyway. It was fun the first time, the second time I noticed he was feminine and I got really put off by that.Since that, I've noticed that my gay dar has improved and I don't like the faces of most gays, I don't like the squeaky voice, I don't like how they act. OF course, this is not true for every gay person out there but it seems like it is a bunch of them. I've dated a few times, and I just can't stop thinking that I'm weirded out by the person next to me. It's almost like, I want to have love and affection for a guy, but to a straight guy. And I know that's paradoxical. Honestly, I know not all straight guys are attractive (like on a ratio of 1 attractive guy to 5), but I like their energy more, they're laid-back, they don't say that much, they have prettier faces.I mean maybe some of you guys can relate and don't like the squeaky acting, but it's also more profound. For example, when I found out two guys from 13RW were 'dating' in real life I couldn't stop look at their faces and think 'they're gay' and 'they look so gay' and secretly be repelled by it. Maybe this has something to do with that friend with benefit? Because I'm kind of disgusted by it all now. Even looking at porn, I tend to jerk more to straight porn because sometimes gay guys act feminine suddenly and I'm turned off. I hate doing this.