Help me, please! I am so scared of comming out, at all.

Hello, sorry to say, I have smoked a bit of hashish tonight.Anyhow, I am having a huge problem with beeing gay. I can't really admit to myself that I am gay. I keep finding excuses everytime I find a man to be sexy, keep excusing myself with the fact that I find women beutiful, but never sexual.Sorry, I'm babbling. My question is if anyone have any solutions about the fact that I am gay, but I hate myslef for beeing gay. I'm fucking depressed, full och self hate and it fucking sucks-.