Him. And him.... him too...

So.... ok, relatable start I guess, hi, im Luke, im gay and I've started having fucking feelings for my straight friends. And im pretty sure neither of them have reddit so ill mention them by first name only, as I have with myself. The first is Ed. He's.. a fantastic person, hes fun and cheerful and likes getting baked - as all my college friends do, and im sure all the readers of this may do. Anyways, hes a magnificent guy, and I basically fell for him the second I met him; to lend some context briefly, I strive to protect my friends. I live to protect and care, and I love hard, I throw myself into things with all I have, im seventeen and have only had three boyfriends, the first of which was the only man that I felt a true connection to. Ive never felt the same, but I sure as shit know what love feels like. I digress. Due to my limited luck with love, ive stepped down and I devote myself now to being someone who my friends can talk to, and the person who protects the friendgroup. Because of this ive had to.. mute certain feelings but they build up. A lot. Ed isnt the first, hes the most recent. There are about five guys I feel this way towards, and as much as I want to tell them, it would destroy our respective friendships, I guess.. as the person who helps everyone, im asking for help.. or something, advice even? I dont know. My feelings are killing me. I lost my point mostly but.. yeah. More soon.