What do you think? Am I gay?

For as long as I can remember I have always liked girls. (I'm 20) I couldn't wait until I was old enough to marry my crush at the time. (I can name them all and none of them have been a guy)About a year ago I had been having a voice in my head telling me that I was gay, and it scared the shit out of me, but they went away pretty quickly but now they've came back and have been pretty persistent for the past few months, and I don't like it.I've always had friends who were guys, but I never wanted anything more then to be friends. I've had friends who were girls and I've developed feelings for a lot of them, other then being just friends. I never really had an opinion on gay people, I just knew that they were different then me and I didn't want to date another man.... And I still don't.I've always watched straight porn, and when I tried to watch gay porn, I couldn't make it more than 30 seconds in without feeling gross. I did finish to one though and that made me freak out even more. Even the thought of 2 guys doing it makes me feel uncomfortable. Recently I tried to watch gay porn again and I couldn't click on a video because I felt like I didn't belong there.Since I've been having these persistent thoughts, I have been noticing more attractive guys, but I still notice attractive girls more than guys.I have had a few dreams in the past where a guy was coming on to me and I was fighting him off because I didn't want that. I've woke up from those dreams freaked out.I've also been reading stories of how people knew they were gay and most people said they knew when they were young, or they realized in their late teens early 20s, because they knew they felt different at a young age. None of their stories match up with me.As bad as this sounds, I don't really know how I could live with my self if I was gay. I could never see my self dating/marrying/living/having sex with another man. I really don't like the thought of that. I'm not even curious about being with another guy, I have a dick, I don't need/want to play with someone else's.Thinking about being gay all the time really puts me down. Never in my life did I think that I was.I've been doing research on HOCD and that seems to match up with me, but what do you all think?Also when I had crushes on girls or had a girlfriend thats when I felt the happiest.I'm sorry if I offended anyone on here I have nothing against any of you guys at all. I don't even like to be on this sub, it really does not feel right to me. I really really really don't want to be gay, it just doesn't seem right. In all honestly I'd rather die then be gay.Sorry for the long post, I needed to get this off my chest. This has been freaking me out and it has caused a lot sleepless nights.