I think I'm gay but I don't want to be

The reason I'm typing this up is because I got a text a few days ago from a guy I had a crush on. I hadn't thought about him in months and now all I can think about is him. It's breaking my heart.I'm 21, I'm about to graduate college and I've never dated a guy or a girl(but I've hooked up with some guys). I keep telling myself that I like girls for a few reasons. I always wanted a family and with a guy that's a lot harder. I don't want people to judge me. I don't really feel gay, if that makes sense. I mean I'm just a guy, but I think other guys are cute.And it's difficult to meet guys that I really like. I mean first I have to find one , then basically forget about them being gay. Then they have to like me back. That one hurt the most.But recently I'm wondering, maybe I'm really not bi, maybe I actually am gay. Is there a way to tell? It's very confusing. Do you think I should try with a girl? How would I go about that? I mean it's very easy with a guy just download grindr lol, but I don't really know how to with a girl.Thanks for your help guys. BTW this is an alt account.