Bicurious but hesitant...

Well, I don't think I've ever posted on Reddit before. Here goes nothing, eh?

I'm a young guy who's always sort of been in to other dudes. While my attraction towards the same sex is only physical, I've never had much time or inclination to experiment. I've tried giving blowjobs a couple of times, and while I didn't walk away feeling terrible, I didn't feel very fulfilled, either. Yet, for whatever reason, I keep getting this annoying, powerful urge to go out and try doing it all over again. I have a girlfriend who likely wouldn't be okay with this, so I'd have to hide it from her. In my mind, this wouldn't be a regular thing - I just want to see if I like doing it under better circumstances than before.

I don't want to prattle on and on, but here are my concerns and questions:

1. I have a girlfriend and would feel bad doing this.


2. I've given oral sex to men before and didn't enjoy it very much. Why do I keep wanting to try again?


3. I'm not romantically attracted to men and am rarely physically attracted to men. However, I do occasionally find myself staring at very attractive, masculine guys and wishing that I could do more than simply have their good looks, lol.


4. Since I'm not romantically attracted to men, I don't want to be "outed" by the close-knit gay community here, of which several of my best friends are members of. I'm sure they wouldn't care, but I don't want to deal with the "straight boy gone gay" shit, especially since some of them don't think it's possible to be bi.


5. Every time I've tried going to a gay club for a hookup, I've walked away disappointed. I'm not a built guy, but I act masculine. Most of the guys at clubs seem to be very skinny and clearly gay, which is a big turn-off for me. Am I setting my standards too high? I just want to meet a dude who will be a bro about things and won't make me feel uncomfortable to be around.

Has anybody been in a situation like this before? What should I do? I've tried using Tinder to meet up with guys in a big city I'll be going to soon, but they all seem to want relationships or be that sort of really gay type that I wouldn't want to be around. Nothing on them - it's just that that's not what I'm attracted to.