Here's the back story if you're interested:
tl;dr - I'm disassociating myself. The announcement will be made Wednesday. My calls for the first time in nearly 3 years to tell me she loves me (manipulate me). I've just been inactive these 3 years.
Here are the texts between us:
My response to her voice mail:
I appreciate your message, but I no longer need your love. I've made a new family that will love me, this includes speaking to me, not matter what I believe. If you ever want to leave that high control, oppressive, child abusing (sexually and mentally - youtube the pbs video) cult know as the Jehovah's Witnesses, please let me know. I'll be here with open arms, but I'm not holding my breath. I'm living my life to the fullest, viewing every days as a new adventure. No longer are my decisions hindered by an organization. If I was a parent, I know there isn't anything that would stop me from talking with my child, not even if s/he decided to be a Jehovah's Witness. "Religion is an insult to human dignity. With or without it you would have t good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people people to do evil things, that takes religion." Like Whitney once said, "I want to dance with somebody who loves me.", well I no longer have to want, I've got it. And I'm going to keep dancing through life. -- shun me or not I'm happy.
Mother's response:
That's all I want for any of my children, is to be happy. I will always be your mother and nothing with change that. In fact the only being I love more than you is God. Know that your father and I will always be there if you need us. Mom
My response:
[Sent some pictures of be being happy and shit]
Mother's response:
I guess all that's left is for me to learn how to be happy without you in my life. Mom
My response:
Do whatever makes you happy.
The next day...
I text:
The announcement has probably already been made, but I just wanted to say that I think about you all the time. Even though we have a muddy past, I'm starting to forget the bad memories and only remember the good. You're in my dreams at least twice a month if not more; notice I said dreams, not nightmares haha. It's a shame my sexuality and beliefs have to stand in between us now. I'm not sure what kind of just God would ask as mother to abandon her own child... certainly not one worth of my praise. I wish I could share my happiness with you. I wish you would love me for who I am (this includes speaking to me). So I guess this is me signing out. My only hope is that the next time I see you, it is not in a hospital bed or a casket. I do love you Mom, and I miss you terribly. Thank you for respecting my decisions to be myself. I have a midterm tomorrow so I have to get back to studying. Take care.
Mother's response:
It's funny how parents and children view the same situation so differently. I think of you as one of the sweetest and adorable babies and child. You seem to be so well-adjusted through the teen years and happy. I wish you had told us all you were going through. It's all water under the bridge now, the announcement is next weds. All decisions and choices were made without consulting me, I would have begged and pleaded for you not to write the letter to the elders. Always know that I love you and try to forgive me for all the ways I have failed you. Your [sic] a beautiful and gentle soul. I would love to sit down with you in the next week and just talk to see the man you have become.
Me:
If I would have told you, I probably would have been taken to the elders to try and 'fix' me. I wrote the letter for a few reasons. I waited for two and a half years fore something normal to come out of it, and that never happened. I've been going to therapy sessions because the only time I get depressed is when I have communication with my family. We decided that family relationships are toxic for my mental health. Every time I'd talk with Dad he'd tell me that if I tried hared enough I could be "not gay". I'm as queer as they come, just like your sister. It's taken a long time for me to accept it myself, but now that I have, the last thing I need is my own father telling me how wrong my love is for another man is. Every time he said something like that, it made me feel dead inside. It's like telling you that you're wrong for being a female, you can change your gender sure, but you should have to due to something that was written in a book 5,000 years ago by sheep herders. If you taught me anything growing up, it's to stand up for what I know is true, despite the adversity. I know "The Truth" is not the actual truth, so I can no longer associate myself with it. Truth is indisputable, there's a lot to dispute about the JW's, let alone religion in general. If it was true (indisputable), every atheist would convert, including myself. Lastly, I did it because my father said if I were to get married to the man I love, he'd shun me. That is the definition of conditional love. I will not tolerate it. I don't plan on getting married until I'm 30, but we're consenting adults, I'm not going to allow him to hold his love on a string over my head until conform to the person he wants me to be. So before I agree to sit down with you, answer me this, would you shun me if I got married today? Are there any conditions on your love? Do you think it's okay to abandon me on the basis of a difference in beliefs?
Mother:
[throwawayjw1914_2], just as sure as you believe what you believe, I've had 30 years to examine, study, and mediate [sic] on my scriptural beliefs. I'm willing to put my life on the line for Jehovah and the truth. Make sure you are willing to do the same for what you believe. Please remember you made every single choice in your life without once giving me a chance or a say. I will always love you and wish you a happy life. You can always contact us if you need us and we will keep you informed of urgent matters. Mom
So I haven't responded to anything just yet, but I'm fired up. I've written out a draft and I think maybe this is what I should send. Though I'm taking suggestions in the thread, so post away!
draft:
Thank you avoiding all of my questions, much appreciated. Secondly I do not come to you for advice for many reasons. When I was 17, I told you, with tears in my eyes, that I was going to commit suicide because of how I felt about the Jehovah's Witnesses. Your classic response, "Just pray harder." Also you threw my new laptop across the room, then denied it, because I wouldn't let you leave the house drunk. Later that day you tried to set my grandmother's house on fire. You also used to slap me so hard across the face that my glasses flew off. You abused me as a child. I don't go to a person like that for sound advice. Next, I'm sure you've read and studied the Bible for decades, I don't doubt that. How convenient it was for God to have birthed you in a location were Christianity is so popular. Thank him for not birthing you to Saudi Arabian parents, because you'd most certainly be Islam. I doubt you have even read a passage from the Torah or the Qur'an, and evidently a Biology book. How can you definitively say you have the one true religion and the truth when you've only studied only a hand full of religions in the vast sea of religions. I know the scripture goes, faith without works is dead, but love without works is dead too. Don't say you love me and then tell me to "have a happy life" in the same sentence, as if you're writing me off. If shunning me is love, then war is peace. I feel sorry that my whole family has been trapped in the greatest cult since the People's Temple, but I know there is nothing I can say to convince you that you're religion is lying to you. "Make sure you are willing to do the same for what you believe." Please don't try to give me advice and definitely don't try to be a mother to me now, it's a bit late for that. If you choose to abandon me, then you are surely no mother of mine.
Yes, I'm salty as fuck about this. Is this too harsh?
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