I just hate myself...

I'm a 19 year old male and simply put, just hate myself. This might sound like I'm whining but I just feel like typing.

I hate my sexuality (gay or something, I honestly don't know), I hate that my taste in guys is teens younger than me, I hate that I'm not out to people, I hate that my homophobic roommates have girlfriends and are happy and I'm sad and lonely, I hate what they teach in college but love my degree in principle, I hate that I feel stuck and can't move forward, I hate that I expect so much from myself yet can never live up to my own expectations, I hate my state, I hate my friends, I hate that I'm so introverted and shy, I hate being so self-conscious. I could go on, but I don't want to bore you.

I just feel stuck and hopeless. I used to be excited about school and tried my best, but recently I just don't care.

I just sit in my room all day and let my potential and youth wither, I haven't left my room in 2 weeks.

I fantasize about self-harming myself, nothing extreme, but I want to give myself a blue eye, give myself a gashed lip, bloody nose, bruised knuckles...

If it were up to me I'd like to escape. I'd move to Iceland, build up a fake persona and act extroverted and confident., but I can't do that... Not yet at least.