So lonely sometimes...

Disclaimer, I'm not talking about anything regarding romantic love. Being gay is already tough in this screwed up asian society. Having to be alone in this? f*ck. Here's the rant:I'm 21 soon, but I never felt that I have any real close friends. I don't even expect my 21st to be celebrated...just want to hide in a hole somewhere on that day. I made some friends here and then in school. However, here's the thing: I'm always the secondary friend. All of my friends have their old cliques, or they prefer new best friends they have made. No matter how much I try, none of my friends stayed. My best friend's best friend is never me. I did all that I could have ever done. Whenever I go somewhere, I always think of my friends. U dyed your hair and it became frizzy? Cool. I bought conditioner for you. You like this game of mine? Sure, you can have it. Not well to do enough to splurge on food? My treat. Sometimes, I even fear that my friends think I'm doing too much for them. So when we eat outside, I would pay the bill first and downplay the amount to be split (My family is really well to do, though not rich). I just don't understand why I'm never good enough for my friends. Why am I always the one left behind... Why..?