I need some insight

Hello /r/gay,This is a throwaway account for obvious reasons. I'm currently a 27/male, only child. I have been confused about my sexuality ever since I was a kid. I'm hoping I could seek some advice.Without going into great detail, my father physically and sexually abused me when I was 9/10. He also sexually assaulted my mother which resulted in my parents becoming divorced when I was 12.Up until the time of my abuse, I always found girls to be attractive (as much as they could be for a kid my age). I would find my grandfather's printed out internet women in the garage and felt attracted to that. However, after I hit puberty (around 12-14), I found myself not being strongly attracted to women anymore, and more focusing on guys.Ever since then, I've found gay pornography to be my go-to for my own pleasure, but in the back of my mind, I always felt disgusted, wrong and overall lost.Personally, I want to have relationships with women. I ultimately want to have children of my own, so I can be the father to them that I never had. However, I never find myself attracted enough to women to start that kind of relationship.So ultimately, I guess my question is - am I really gay, or has my personal history affected my sexual interests? I don't mean to come off offensive, but I don't want to be gay. However, I find my body want a gay relationship more than a straight one.Can anyone provide any insight?Thank you for your time.