UnderstandingLove: What Is Love?

What is love?No one really knows what love is, how it came around. Some people don't even know why they need it.I haven't long turned 19 years old. This post will be about my experience with love.Many people will read this and disagree, say that i am to young to have found love. Many people will agree that love comes to us at any age. If we are believe that we love our parents, family and friends. What difference does it make if it is a boyfriend or girlfriend?I was 15, still in high school. There was a guy, he was 17. He didn't go to my school but he lived in the same town and we knew of one another.One night we got to talking, one thing led to another and something clicked instantly, i knew i loved him from the fist conversation.We began meeting and what i felt just grew into something bigger. Like a seed blossoming into a massive beautiful but delicate flower.I felt as if i could have accomplished the world!! I felt so much better, better than i ever had. New things have always scared me but i felt comfortable with him. He was so caring and gentle, never thought about him hurting me to be a possibility.I couldn't have been more wrong. Things turned for the worst, he would send explicit images to many of people, i am not talking about 7 or 8, i am talking about double figures, close to triple. He would tell me he was sorry, knowing i was madly in love with him i would forgive him each time. Being so blinded by love, the possibility of him lying to me continuously never crossed my mind, even after each time he would do it.Then one night, he cheated on me.....with a friend of ours. I never felt so sick and the pains i had in my stomach were unreal. As far as i knew he never done anything with someone psychically in person. As far as i was aware, it was just photos to random people over social media.A few days later, i was approached by my brother who was drunk, he told me that months before him and the man i was madly in love with had slept together. Pits of fire burning through my body, i was so angry!!Long story short i took him back in the end. Why? because i was in love with him. My confidence was shook, i didn't feel good enough, forever feeling as if i had some sort of "competition" with every corner i turned.We were together for over 3 years which takes us to May this year. Being cheated on, blackmailed, degraded and emotionally abused constantly it ruined who i was. I have depression and suffer from severe anxiety attacks. All this time i thought it was love flowing through my veins, it wasn't. It was poison. At the end of May, he told me he didn't want to be with me anymore, "okay" i said, i wasn't going to fight for someone who doesn't want me. Now we are at the end of July, still fighting to get well and have somewhat of a normal life (what is normal?) and i am already seeing a difference in myself. There is only so many times you can fall down a rabbit hole before remembering to walk around instead of straight forward.The question is, if love is so called "the best thing ever" why doesn't it feel like it? Bad experience with love perhaps? Maybe what i felt wasn't even love?Leave a comment and tell me your thoughts.