I Used To Think Dating Would Just Happen

When I was young I knew being gay as a teenager was supposed to be a hard, alienating experience. Thankfully I had an abundance of friends, boys, girls, gay, straight or otherwise to share all our ideas, thoughts, hopes and dreams. We talked about who we were going to be and all those things you know are going to change in your adult years. For the gay ones (there were 4 of us) we knew our lives would be slightly different but we still wanted all the same things.Fast forward to now, I'm 28 and we have all gone our separate ways. Two of us remain close but he has moved away and I'm still in our home city. I was the late bloomer. I did everything late. So I just thought all my experiences would happen slowly... Every year that has passed since then nothing has happened.I've never had a boyfriend, no one has ever really been interested in me. The few that have over the years have been really seedy creeps. Or straight guys who want to experiment. I firmly don't believe in being anyones experiment.I'm just at a little disillusioned. Being gay now seems harder than it ever was two decades ago. Growing up there were way more gay positive stories in my life than there are now. I look around at my peers and that alienating feeling starts to sink in. They're buying houses. Travelling. The girls are engaged, married, pregnant. The guys are successful career men. The gays are doing well... And manage to have successful sex lives. The new friends Ive made are established, successful people. Handsome men, some gays, beautiful women. All have access to social securities that society allows and the single ones aren't ever single for long.I don't understand why nothing is happening for me. I have an education, qualifications. Great friends, I've been described anywhere from "the smartest person I know" to handsome, to gorgeous, and even androgynous...I resent my sexuality sometimes. I'm sure there are life experiences in my past that can map some of choices that has lead to this moment. But for the most part I've been willing, open and available since I was openly gay (20), confident and outgoing. I can be reserved and yeah a little hermity... Probably doesn't help. Weirdly traditional and somewhat conservative, in a way.I just feel like I have been waiting and waiting for someone (and at this point anyone) to come along and say hey... I wanna take you out and get to know you, would you be interested?When the smartphone boom happened I was so happy, everyone else was benefiting from apps and told me I definitely would too. I've never had a date yet... And now after 3 years I don't even get matches anymore. I always end up deleting apps after 4 months of not even a match or a message. Reciprocal or not.All my crushes over the years, and there have been a few, have been unsuccessful. But I'm a die hard romantic and I don't want to give up on love. I just don't feel like I'm ever gonna have my time. 30 is approaching and I'm getting the rope ready... i heard gay death was at 30. I live in New Zealand if that makes anything clearer... Our gene pool here, so to speak, is definitely smaller.If I'm honest. I think I'm suffering from not having access to gender norms and hegemonic standards of beauty/masculinity. I don't have white privilege... And I think gay culture is just a little bit backwards for the times. I think we actively oppress each other based on race, feminity, age and all those superficial things. Sometimes it feels like we are so behind the times. Yet we want to break down so many social obstacles but we put our own community last - I think the heterosexual world gets it by now, we're here and we're queer, they're over it. So can we start looking after each other now?Anyway. Thanks reddit I just had to get that off my chest.