2016. július 21., csütörtök

Slutshaming: need advice or opinion

About three months ago I [22M] matched with this guy [24M] at Tinder. His profile said he was looking for LTR, so was I, and we started getting to know each other before actual meeting (it's a thing here in Russia — you usually don't go out on a date right after "Congratulations! You have a new match!"). He was cute, he was smart and we had so much in common. I tried few times to arrange our first date, but he was either at work all day or with his friends. One day, when we were talking, he said that he and his friend decided to be together two days ago. Whatever. They lived happily, but not so ever after. Few days ago we were texting and he asked me how many men I slept with. I told him the truth - well, almost the truth, I still was too embarrassed to tell the exact number so I told him it was more than 30, but less than 50. He was kinda shocked and told me that he doesn't understand nor approve when someone has so many partners. That he was raised with traditional values and in his opinion sex is something special and it can't be without feelings. In my defence — I "separate" sex and making love, and when I have sex with someone not special, it's just for physical pleasure. But he didn't stop talking to me, we're still friends. The thing is, when he and his friend broke up, I asked him if he considers me as someone more than a friend and he answered: "No, I don't see myself with you, because you have had sex with so many men. I don't understand it and I can't date a guy like you. I hope you will meet someone special, but it won't be me." I tried to get him explain why is this such a problem, and he told me that he doesn't judge people who have many partners, he just doesn't like that "slutty nature".tl;dr: I met a wonderful guy who can't be with me because I have had sex with more than 10 guys in my entire life.As I said before, I live in Russia, where even in gay-community slutshaming is still a major issue. We do have issues here way more important than this, but still. Every time I meet someone I'm afraid that he will be the same and won't consider me more than a friend because I have my past. I'm so tired of being judged, sometimes I wonder - am I really a bad person just because I like sex? I didn't cheat, I never lied to my partners or to my ex. This is just not fair.Edited: formatting issues.

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