I have depression, anxiety, and an eating disorder. I am gay and not out, and I am struggling with my second year at college.

I have all these problems and I have nobody to talk to them about because I always feel the need to pretend to everybody that I am fine and everything in my life is going great.

I have had depression for the past 3 years, I went to therapy for it for a while but I felt uncomfortable talking about my feelings with a person who I felt was being intrusive by asking questions so I pretended it was working and eventually stopped going.

I get very anxious about most social interactions and even phone calls worry me and make my heart beat increase. I play them over and over again in my head after they occur and make myself sad by thinking that I acted like an idiot. Even though I know that my friends like me I sometimes feel that they only hang out with me because they feel sorry for me.

I have had eating disorders for the past 5 years (anorexia for 2, bulimia - laxative abuse - for 1, binge eating for 1, and recently bulimia - purging - again) and have never felt comfortable with my body. I am nearly 20 and have never had a boyfriend because I feel unattractive.

I don't like the course I am studying at college however I have spent so much money and time on this subject that I feel like it is too late to back out not. I am currently unemployed and worry about money a lot. My family is not poor but we are far from rich so I feel pressure to get a job and help out, but my problems are holding me back. I've only ever had one job interview and I cried after it because I was so nervous and got worked up over it.

I sometimes wish I could just pack up some stuff and move somewhere else where I don't know anybody and can start over again.

Sorry that this has been a rant, I am just feeling very emotional right now and can't sleep. This has just been a bad day, sometimes I have a good day and feel very happy and productive. I couldn't tell anyone these things in real life because I don't like people feeling sorry for me and I don't want any drama over the gay thing. As I have said, on the outside I appear to be a shy but happy person but I feel very sad inside. I feel a bit better now for typing this all out (probably riddled with grammar errors) and this had been strangely theraputic. Thank you for reading my post, I'm not sure what anyone could give me in the way of advice but if you do have any then it is more than welcome. :)

Edit: Oops, should probably have used a throwaway for this.. luckily nobody knows my username!