Am I crazy?

I'm in love with someone with whom I've been having a sexual relationship for almost eight years. When I met him, he was 21. I loved him then but knew he was too young for me (i was 33) at least for anything serious. We used to do dates and stuff but haven't done that for years. The sex is hot though. It only happens when we run into each other through mutual acquaintances though. But I think I wan't more than that with him. Two weeks ago we were having sex and the thought popped in my head "this is MY dick" Then my brain popped in and reminded me that this was not just my dick. I had to stop. Then I almost said the L word to him. But I managed to stop myself but did sleep with him again to completion two days later. I've had my own place for close to three years now, invited him several times but he never took me up on the offer. (he lives in new york I'm in jersey). I stopped asking him over but after the last time, I texted him he should come visit me, didn't expect him to respond but after a few days, he actually did. The thing is, I'm not even sure if I want him to come. I "know" in my head I'm just another piece of ass to him, but can you really have sex with just another piece of ass for eight years. Can anybody provide me with some insight as to what's going on in his head? I'm in the strange position of knowing someone who when I look at them I can tell exactly what they are thinking and yet at the same time I do not know what he is thinking at all. I need a sounding board.