Huge problems with 13-year-old daughter

My daughter is 13 and 147 lbs. at 6 yo, she was diagnosed with autism . she later got diagnosed with depression

She changed schools in 6th grade because she wasnt fitting in at her previous school. (claimed she was gay, got teased, was socially awkward, skipping school)

shes gotten into feminism recently. She's very bookish and interested in politics. Last summer, she refused to shave even though we were going swimming. she also insists on having short hair

the issue right now is that my wife and I started a healthy eating policy for her. no soda/juice, no candy, all healthy food

shes now obsessed with food, hiding candy in her room and refusing to eat in front of people. I've been told she's not eating at school either.

My wife recently scolded her for having eating too much junk before the diet change, and she threw a total tantrum, complete with hurting herself (to get our attention, imo)

She used to have a friend wgo was very skinny and athletic, but ended up dropping her because she thought she was mean. She has a new friend who is her own size and totally sedentary.

My daughter's claiming to be depressed again, and she thinks she might have an eating disorder and hates herself for being fat. I think she wants us to think its our fault

what do I do? I cant believe it's come to my girl trying to manipulate the entire family like this? I don't like saying this at all, but I'm honestly ashamed of her, by this point. The extended family doesn't mind admitting they're ashamed of her, because she is absolutely selfish and often wont talk, or gets into arguments with them, or wont listen to their advice. I can't bear this anymore, not when she can't come around to family events being like she is. She's always been awkward/shy, and thats been a problem, but the depression and the rabid feminism/tomboy thing is new.