My experience, with my first same sex crush.

Disclaimer: I don't mean to dislike/subject anyone mentioned, or make anyone look like the bad guy. I'm here just to tell you my story of my first same sex crush. In no way, shape, or form do I hope to hurt, betray, or hate anyone mentioned in the story currently.WARNING: At some part in the story, there will be mention of suicide and self harm. However, I am not the person who did the action. However, it is another person I will speak about later.So with all that out of the way, let's get started.It was the beginning of January, and the time I go back to school from winter break. It was around my final day off. I started thinking about who I would consider having a crush on. Since I had a crush on no one at the time, and on November of last year, my heart was broken by a girl I liked (I'm bisexual). So I decided that I would decide who I liked the most. I settled on this one boy.He was my main choice becauseHe was also BisexualHe seemed really cute and had a charming personality.So I finally settled on him. I thought I had a chance with him, and he would finally like me. Since everyone I had a crush on, always rejected me. So I went to bed ready for tomorrow, a good future ahead of me, a new experience. Boy, I had so many hopes back then.Of course being me, I always wanted to tell everyone who my crush is. But, since it was a same sex crush, I couldn't really be going up and about it. So I decided I would give him my nickname, Senpai. You see, at the time, I was a major Otaku and was really into Japanese pop culture. I was also a fan of Yandere Simulator. It was fun and exciting for me.Of course at school, people started to catch on the fact that when I said Senpai, it meant that I had a huge crush on someone. So people desperately wanted to know who my "Senpai" was. Of course I told people "no" but they still kept asking me. This is not important to the story but one person did help try to stop all of these peoples' curiosity. For the sake of someone I know finding this story, and knowing the truth about what happened, and that individual who is a part of the story is known, I'll use aliases. His alias will be Saltzman. Back to the story,It was in the middle of science class, when I decided that in order to stop the annoying questions, I would tell them. I told them that it was Senpai and they understood. They knew I was Bi, so it didn't come off as a shock. Of course when your friends know about your crush, they always tease you about it and poke fun at you. My silly friends, they make me laugh.Eventually the quarter ended soon, and we got our grades. Since I was a pretty good student, I got a 4.0. And Senpai also got a 4.0, which made me really happy, because my school does a certain thing for the 4.0 students. Students who get a 4.0 go to a thing called "Breakfast of Champions". To be honest, it was just go to have a lunch at a restaurant close by. Anyway, I am going to the place. I decided that if I want to get to know my crush, I would go talk to them. For the first time, I was proud of myself since I am very anxious around people and I am very shy about straight up talking to new people. I couldn't wait to be friends with Senpai. I took my seat in front of Senpai, and decided to start talking to him. He was so cool and interesting, we seemed to share some good laughs and talked a lot. Overall I thought gaining his affection was easy. I was so wrong and gullible with my brain at the time.Time passes, nothing happens. I talk to this one friend though. This friend was the girl I had a crush on. She was my best friend I had ever had, and I talked to her. The only problem is...I did not know how I could tell her that I liked the same person as her. Of course we were talking about this person, and eventually, I told her I liked him. She didn't care, she was now head over heels for another guy, which made me happy. She is an important character for this story, so I will call her "Buritoni". Buritoni was an amazing person. She helped me get to know Senpai better and helped me with all my ideas. I overall thought of her as a Wingwoman. Back to the story.Time had passed, and it was March 18, it was a pretty fun day, I started in a human sized chess game. I was a knight. And I had a pretty good day with Senpai. At the end of school, I got to hug him. It was pretty nice if you asked me.As I was walking to the bus, another friend I knew decided to offer me Senpai's phone number. I should also mention, that people started to know who "Senpai" was, since my school is so small, news travels fast. Of course I declined, but...my curiosity, beat me. I asked, what the phone number was, and I started texting. I expected this to be a prank, that's one of the reasons why texted the number. Of course, it was his phone number, and I tried talking to him. He didn't reply. And all of that weekend, I was completely paranoid. I tried everything I could in order to make it seem like a mistake. As hard as I tried, I couldn't do a thing. This is now the part, where the story takes a sad, heartbreaking, and dark turn.One thing I started to notice after that weekend, was he started to talk to me less and less. Up to the point where he would just ignore me. I felt bad, bad at myself.I felt like a stalker. When I was with him, I never spoke a word, I would just...listen.I also wrote Fanfiction about this person and I. I tried to see if he had an account on social media. When Saltzman figured it out, he stated that the reason I dyed my hair black, was to match his. Of course, I did not dye my hair for that reason, I thought my blonde hair made me look ugly, so that is why I dyed it. Really he was looking over details. Back to the story.Time passes by AGAIN. I eventually learned by Saltzman, that Senpai, already knows I like him. It was a huge deal to me. Sure, for a heterosexual crush, it's okay if the secret comes out, but when it is with a same sex person, things get bad. Luckily, my school is tolerant though, so I pretty much had nothing to worry about.It was April, April 5th to be exact. I was on the bus, on my way to school, when I saw two new emo girls come to my school. Of course I thought they were harmless. Just two new outcasts that is it. I swear, I could even see self harm scars, on one of their arms. For the story. I will call them Tate and Liza.It wasn't too long before Senpai notices Liza, and they become fast friends. I literally start considering her as a rival. I absolutely hated her. I wanted her to be gone. I just wanted her social life gone. Then, one day, I heard about what she posted on Instagram. I never got details, but apparently they were pretty juicy details. So, I wanted to learn her Instagram name, when I did I saw everything, she had posted herself doing self harm, and posing nude images of herself. I used this to my advantage. I told on her to one of the teachers. I anonymously sent a message on Facebook to one of the teachers, stating about how she has been posting herself nude on Instagram, and blah blah blah. I felt great at the time, it seemed that if she got in huge trouble, then Senpai would no longer talk to her. It felt great to me at the time. Knowing she is eliminate and he is all mine. Of course nothing happened, but she did go away for a while. For separate reasons.Side note: At one point I tried to hug him, but he pushed me back. I also felt bad about this. At another point, I wrote him a love letter, I still don't know how he felt about it.Now these actions happened not too long ago.My school had a dance, now I knew what was gonna go down. You see, I had this plan designed months ago. During the dance I would finally be honest and tell. Him my feelings. SIMPLE! Right? Well, it didn't happen because I chickened out and was too afraid to pop him the truth. Eventually, during my summer break, I decided to cut ties with him. I thought he hated me. I thought he was unhappy with me being his friend. So in order to prevent myself from further failure and heartbreak I cut ties with him. I told him he never has to see my face again. I would no longer talk to him, and I would no longer be around him. Eventually, I got over him and now life is back to the way it was prior to January.Now what affect does this have on me? Well it took a lot of my happiness. I am no longer able to enjoy the things I did back then because I then start thinking about all the mistakes I had done liking him. It brings a state of PTSD to me. Well that maybe an over exaggeration, but you get the idea.All in all, things can go downhill, from one stupid mistake. That one peak of curiosity.TL;DR Got my first same sex crush, accidentally let my curiosity get the best of me, bad things happened.Hello! You made it to the end of this story! Congrats! Thank you for spending time to read it. So...what are your thought? Did you like the story, what didn't you like, please let me know in the comment section below. This story is a 100% true and if you have any questions, I'll most likely answer them. Again, thank you guys for reading! I really appreciate it. If anything else happens I'll be sure to update, or make a part two. See Ya!