How does one become a "muscle cub/bear"?

Why not ask /r/fitness or any other sub about this? Because they will say "why the hell would you want that?" and generally shoot me down and try and lead me to aesthetic bodybuilding with mountains of muscles on my body and I really could not give two shits about that. Here, where this is an accepted body type, loved and pursued by many, I have a better chance of getting some guidance.For once in my life, my depression has lifted somewhat, and I finally feel an inner drive to improve myself. I hate my body, I hate how I look. I want to change my body and like what I see in the mirror. I don't want to feel small from being pure skin and bone anymore. It's time to live my life and feel real things, not just lay in bed all day barely eating with no drive to get up. Building a routine in and out of the gym to get me out of bed is the first step to escaping this hell.I love bigger bodied men. Their rounded stomachs, broad shoulders, big forearms and thighs, and the cherry on top - the big butt. They're so sexy. I am the opposite of what I consider "sexy". And before you say "plenty of big guys are into twinks!" This isn't about me trying to get guys. This is about me trying to be happier with my body and myself. Why should I settle for feeling unattractive, unloved, and weak at all times?The "muscle cub" body type appeals to me, and the best part about it is that compared to say, I want x's exact six pack, it is quite loose in terms of result from what I've seen. I would love to combine the sexiness of a bigger, beary man with that perfect firm, round stomach and all that I described in the previous paragraph with mounds of pure strength. I want to feel powerful and sexy, and be able to hold my own in any heavy physical job thrown at me in real life.However, since I have zero experience with the outside world off the computer and the couch, I do need the help of you beautiful men to help lead me down a path. I don't eat much, but I'm going to find some things to cook and force myself to eat more and healthier, whatever it takes. I've never even touched a dumbbell, let alone a weightlifting bar, and my whole life I sat inside not doing anything, so I am laughably weak for a guy. Anyway, you've heard what I want, you've heard my reasoning, HELP A GAY ACHIEVE HIS DREAM!