Can you guys help me?

I am a mess, I am 21 years old, I don't approach women cuz they are always interested in someone attractive. When I am with my friends or family, I shame gays, we had a friend a long time ago and he came out as gay and everybody in the group hates him now (granted, there were other reasons, but everytime we talk about him, everybody says "do you remember gay X"; also this is happening in a south American country, people here aren't too friendly to gays)I have a job and I think I am not attracted to guys, I am attracted to some colleagues that are tall and handsome.I have never masturbated to gay sex, but I do enjoy a lot of crossdressing hentai and I always self insert as the crossdressing guy. I sometimes have fantasies about this and I wish I was more feminine.I don't know. I know this is a tantrum and is just a droplet of a bigger problem. I am sorry.