Has anybody else had testicular surgery before?

I've had two surgeries on my left testicle for a grade 3 varicocele and I'm having a third (hopefully final) on Tuesday. Both previous surgeries failed and it's basically driven me to become a paranoid lunatic. The whole thing has become a nightmare because of the pain, and it's effect on my testosterone levels. My free testosterone levels are at the level of a 90 year old man, and I constantly feel fatigued, stressed, weak, and depressed. Most of the literature I've read online suggests that my levels will return after a successful surgery, but I'm worried this surgery is going to fail again.I really have nobody to talk to about this and I don't think anybody can relate to what I'm going through, so I just feel alone and depressed. It also physically looks weird and it's embarrassing. I'm 27 and I've only had sex a handful of times, mainly because of the pain associated with the varicocele. I think low sex drive issues are also related to my low free T.