[Long post] Building castles in the air

I'm a 22 y/o closet gay single virgin who will (finally) go to University this fall.I'm safe to say that my life was above average complicated and I think it's important to mention some things in order to follow my struggle. I will cut out every feels, so have no worries.Strong ADD, didn't get diagnosis until I was 20.Chronic kidney disease since birth, which eventually lead to a donor kidney (everything's perfectly fine now).While the former had great impact on my earlier life regarding underperforming in school, being a dreamer, and willingly being a loner, the latter was the real multiplier, not only but including depression. This combination caged my mind into all kinds of thought processes, except for one: My sexuality.It wasn't until I was 18 ~ 19 before I even started to find interest in porn. Funnily enough, I found real porn yukky and started to fap to furry (I'm neither identifying myself as one, nor do I have a Fursona, it's just a fetish). There I found out I'm not really attracted to females. As soon as I 'progressed' and got into 'normal porn' my suspicion was confirmed; I'm gay.Besides all the above, I'm mostly average, I think. Well, I'm rather short, penis slightly below average (don't even care), but normal weight and not ugly. My self-confidence is on a good level, I'd say, at least in terms of how I act IRL.Since I'm on medication, real life works perfect. No foggy mind and no constant battles and struggles anymore mentally on a daily basis. I get along with most and have friends IRL.Still, of course, I feel unbelievably lonely.It's this kind of loneliness where you have friends, and theoretically no problems, no reason to be lonely, but you are. There was this woman I tutored in maths and over the time, she made it quite obvious that she's interested in me. Naturally, it wasn't mutual. I explained that I lost so many years that I won't have any relationships until I graduated from University. It's not even a lie.But I'm afraid. I know nobody who's gay IRL. I have no idea how it even works to have a relationship. Despite of my medication, I'm still a loner, I get nuts if there are too many people around for too long. Only a few know me to a certain degree, but even then, I have problems to let anyone near me.To make things worse, due to an emotional moment where my brain made something stupid, I daydreamed myself a bf. It's not real (sadly), but it's highly romanticized to a degree where I don't think it has anything to do with reality.And here's the point: I see myself as a cub who wants to be loved, be cared about and feel safe. I'm not the guy who takes action, I don't know how any of this works. I can care for myself perfectly fine but as soon as there are others, I'm lost. I came out to someone I know over the internet. He's offering to have sex since at least two years now. I could go and meet him. He's super nice and surely patient with me but it feels wrong. For me, I just think love is equivalent with relationship is equivalent with sex.I want to wait. But for what?I don't think that someone will just bump into me someday. It's not realistic.What should I do instead? Die a virgin?Honestly, it doesn't even sound that bad after all those years. Even if I'd try, I'd be nothing more than a burden to anyone.