I did it, I broke up with her

So, two months ago. I posted here about being the happiest I had ever felt. I'd just been promoted, me and my then girlfriend were doing brilliantly, it felt like life couldn't get any better.

We met at university, we graduated university and went back to our home towns. That made us long distance, but we figured we'd find a job at home and move soon as we could. We visited often. We talked on the phone often. It was going well.

Then everything changed.

I got that promotion. We talked about it and she seemed happy for me to take it. But things changed. There didn't seem there'd be the move to her home town I'd been suggesting quite as quickly as I'd hoped. But the promotion I took because it was taking more responsibility and setting up a lab for a new process that meant I could have more job options in the future.

It all just turned to shit AL.

We argued on Valentine's Day. We steadily didn't talk as often. I find it difficult to open up, but I did in an effort to salvage things, I asked her to meet me half way, I didn't want to feel like the only one calling or making plans to visit. I'm not perfect guys, I'm bad at bottling up feelings. That's probably why I'm posting this here. I don't want to trouble our mutual friends from university. But I tried. I tried my absolute hardest. I surprised her with flowers. I surprised her with visits. I called her. I text her. But it just went stale. I asked her to meet me half way so it was 50:50, I asked her to tell me if she no longer wanted things; just the once because no one likes insecurity in another person, but it gave her an out. She always talked about how much she loves me, how much she wanted to spend her life with me. But she never showed it after that promotion.

Last Tuesday, I called it off. I couldn't disrespect myself any longer. I'm hurting guys. We were together nearly 7 years. I still want her in my life as a friend though I realise that's unwise. We're leaving a gap in contact whilst we get past this break up phase. It really does feel like it's over. I'm heart broken on the low. To my friends I appear fine. To my colleagues there's no change. But at night? Yes, I may sleep sounder because I'm no longer in limbo. But I still cry myself to sleep like I did before I broke up with her. I don't regret the decision. It was the right decision. Long distance, I don't care what anyone says is difficult. I just feel empty. Is it weird to be so broken up when you ended things? Im bi so I think after a healing process I'm just gonna go back to guys and see where that takes me, I think after being with her nearly 7 years and her being the only girl I've been with another girl might just be too painful right away no matter how different they were.

Anyway, I guess I just sort of posted this here as I can't talk openly to my friends as they know her too, they may be able to listen to me and keep my secret but I guess I don't wanna put them in that position. Thanks for reading I guess. This sub reddit has been a source of great comfort to me for the last however long of lurking, I don't have any gay/bi female friends so I don't have a network of support like some of you guys. So seeing your posts has been similar, albeit a little lame of a substitute to real life people it's been comforting. But I think this will be the last time I come here.

Sorry for the crappy post. I've gone the happiest most supported I had ever felt, to feeling low and Sad two months later. I miss her. And I'm not sure I'm allowed to feel like that since I broke up with her. It truly sucks.