It hurts to surpress my feelings, literally

Ever since I was young, my 4 other siblings kept bullying me calling me gay. I wasn't even out, not even now. I had to deal with that every single day, and I just kept my anger, sadness, deep inside me.When I stepped into highschool, I was bullied by my classmates, calling me gay and so on, and I was a loner. I had not many friends in the first year, gradually making some friends and no one to talk to through my second year.In my third year, last year, I found a friend similar to me, except she was a bi. I told her everything of me. She was my friend since the first year, and I felt I could trust her. I felt a little bit at ease of telling her.Throughout all these years, I have encountered so much emotional pain, from everywhere. Its hurting me so much. My stomach feels like its going to explode. Frequent headaches, mostly felt in the right side, in the evenings.Now my last year at highschool, its all but of bad memories. My whole life is of bad experience. I feel like everyone hates me. Typing this out makes me better temporarily, but it'll help and a cat would do too, if I had one...