Can't seem to enjoy bottoming, why?

The first time I did it, while I cannot fully remember the experience, I was drunk. It was a bit painful, but at the same time I think I remember kinda enjoying the pain. Then afterwards I just wouldn't enjoy having a dick up my ass for some reason. It hurts, and I have this urge to shit and when I do shit, I find it difficult and painful. Now, I love satisfying my partner and make him feel good, and since I cannot be top because of my severe case of phemosis, I reluctantly let him fuck me (which makes me disappointed and angry at myself) However, without the issue of phemosis, I would totally be top. Does anyone else feel the same?