I'm the only person in my life that's not ok with being gay

Everyone has shown that they don't care and are suportive but meI don't know where this self hatred is coming from I should be happy that every one is ok with it but I feel ashamed and embarrassed about it Why?I've been getting better I'm slowly unrepressing feelings I can actually look at someone and say they look good in my head but I still catch myself in denialI dont want to come out I dread the idea of doing it just exposing myself like that telling them what they already know I feel embarrassed about it I wish everyone knew so I wouldn't have to tell people im gayI know im just lieing to myself but how do I stop? I just want to accept myself